THE UNSUPPORTIVE WIFE… (formerly titled…”just eat a damn breakfast cookie!!”)

Why I am being accused of being an “Unsupportive” wife…

a conversation that actually happened this a.m…

scene:  Bedroom (I am happily lying in bed drinking coffee, reading a “mostly true” memoir and feeling content about life in general) My husband arrives home from his two-hour gym workout that started at 4:30 am. Yes. 4..f’n..thirty. A.M

Husband steps on scale…looks up at me…wide eyed and just about bubbling over with, what seems to be some kind of child like, albeit manic,  vanity  pride… JOY

Husband: “All of my hardcore workouts, self-deprecation and starvation are finally paying off…I am down five pounds in four days!!”

Me: (eyes roll)

Husband: “What???!!!!”

Me: “You look good…but that is not healthy…of course you lost weight because you are eating air and burning 2000 calories at a time…but it is not good for your body…it’s like you have an eating disorder…It’s concerning…” (also something about life being too short…enjoy…moderation…fill in inspirational message)

Husband: (quite clearly disgusted with me) “GOD…I know that…why the hell can’t you just be supportive of my ways and my disorder…you never support me with that…EVER !!! ” (storms off, to what I can now only assume is vomiting spit and planking in the bathroom)

Wife: (eyes roll) gets second cup of coffee and a lovely brown sugar/cinnamon pop-tart  breakfast cookie…because… I. like. eating.

That, my friends… is why I suck as a wife…and I am o.k with it.  (this is also why I don’t work out…because, why start the cycle..Ya know? This also is probably why my spell check wants me to change “Gym” to “Jim”…I work out so neverish, that it does not even recognize that the word “GYM” is actually a real place. true story.

Carry On…

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