Monthly Archives: August 2015

THE UNSUPPORTIVE WIFE… (formerly titled…”just eat a damn breakfast cookie!!”)

Why I am being accused of being an “Unsupportive” wife…

a conversation that actually happened this a.m…

scene:  Bedroom (I am happily lying in bed drinking coffee, reading a “mostly true” memoir and feeling content about life in general) My husband arrives home from his two-hour gym workout that started at 4:30 am. Yes. 4..f’n..thirty. A.M

Husband steps on scale…looks up at me…wide eyed and just about bubbling over with, what seems to be some kind of child like, albeit manic,  vanity  pride… JOY

Husband: “All of my hardcore workouts, self-deprecation and starvation are finally paying off…I am down five pounds in four days!!”

Me: (eyes roll)

Husband: “What???!!!!”

Me: “You look good…but that is not healthy…of course you lost weight because you are eating air and burning 2000 calories at a time…but it is not good for your body…it’s like you have an eating disorder…It’s concerning…” (also something about life being too short…enjoy…moderation…fill in inspirational message)

Husband: (quite clearly disgusted with me) “GOD…I know that…why the hell can’t you just be supportive of my ways and my disorder…you never support me with that…EVER !!! ” (storms off, to what I can now only assume is vomiting spit and planking in the bathroom)

Wife: (eyes roll) gets second cup of coffee and a lovely brown sugar/cinnamon pop-tart  breakfast cookie…because… I. like. eating.

That, my friends… is why I suck as a wife…and I am o.k with it.  (this is also why I don’t work out…because, why start the cycle..Ya know? This also is probably why my spell check wants me to change “Gym” to “Jim”…I work out so neverish, that it does not even recognize that the word “GYM” is actually a real place. true story.

Carry On…

I am ALIVE!!!

As I finally decide to sit down and write, one thought is louder and a bit more pushy then the rest…it’s that we all go through things in our lives that leave us feeling, for lack of a better word…DEMOLISHED!! This can be anything. It might be a relationship issue, a challenge to your mental health or a snafu to your physical health. It might be family, friend, life, work, body, mind or soul related. Sometimes it might be a multitude of those things occurring somewhat simultaneously …which we all know BITES, LIKE REALLY FREAKIN’ HARD.

I am going to keep this brief (doubtful) and hopefully even more than that…simple. Life can throw us some serious F’n curve balls. Because why? Because it is life…that is what the fuck it does. No further explanation needed. Without the dramatic details, I will say this, I am no stranger to any of the aforementioned struggles. Work…check. Physical health…Check. Depression, Anxiety,  just plain soul sickness? Check. check. check.

I haven’t blogged in over a month. My usual and customary M.O would be “Ummm…ya know what?  too much time went by…I give up…Yet another thing I started but didn’t continue, but…whatever…I kind of hated blogging anyway .” (now go ahead and add in some sprinkles of mild self-loathing and a touch of self-righteous indignation and you may have even had my younger self’s  response to what I perceived as a (wait for it…) “shortcoming” in my character!

compasfati2

But not so fast Y’all…that is precisely why I started to blog to begin with…to reflect, learn, nurture and even forgive MYSELF!!!  And perhaps inspire others to do the same along the way.

So today, as “they” say, is a new day. It doesn’t take away all the days I had that were hard. It does not “undo” the days that felt or perhaps even WERE impossible to write.  However… it doesn’t mean that I can’t just write a few paragraphs today and simply haul off and hit publish. I think writing is one of those “just get back on the bike” type of things. Maybe life knocked me down for a bit. Maybe my automatic thinking voice was “Oh well…I guess I won’t write anymore”,  but what about my quieter voice…the one I have to really tune in to hear? The one that might say something a bit more polite and a tad more kind like,  “Listen, it’s been a tough few months and look at you…You are still here! You still have things to share and words that are real and important and worth writing. Even if for no one else but YOU!”

So, ya know what?  It’s a start. Sometimes you just have to say “I am alive” and hit publish, knowing that it is enough. Because being alive, well that is pretty fucking important! And sometimes staying that way is pretty fucking hard. So celebrate life today and know this…not everyday will be a great day…not every month will be a productive month.  However, each day you wake up, breathe and learn how to navigate this world to the best of your ability, you have won. Every day that you reach out to another when your own ability for living seems weakened at best…well, in my humble opinion, my friend, you have succeeded.

So let’s just celebrate and honor all the little things that prove we are ALIVE…the inhales, the exhales, the getting out of bed and the crawling back under the blanket…the writing, laughing and dancing  and the silent, sleeping, desperate sobs.  Let us honor all of it! Today, I honor the wonderful things and the terrifying crap and all of the stuff we survive that falls somewhere between the laughter and the tears.

So…as you can see, even though it’s been almost two months and a boat load of life since last I wrote,  I am very much alive, and if you are reading this, so are you!  And well, as it would happen, that is what the HELL we are celebrating right now!!!  So go ahead and do something FABULOUS for yourself, because ya damn well better believe I am!